Single Mom Struggles

The stress of being a single mom is unreal.  I constantly worry about my kids, bills and how I’m going to pay my next bill on time.  I am a homeowner but its honestly more of a burden than an actual place where I feel at peace.  I have had it on the market since the summer and have had no bites so far.  I’m constantly thinking of ways to make more money, from selling some of my things, to signing up for Airbnb to rent out a room.  The struggle is real.  Most times I am okay, I wake up, tell myself to get out of bed and do what I gotta do.  Normally 20 min after I’m up I feel better and really start my day.  It’s not until I get to work that all the thoughts of what I have to do come rushing back and I start planning and looking for my next move.  I figure if I’m always pushing myself to make something happen, then eventually it won’t be as hard.  One day.  Until that day comes I just do what I gotta do and try to not let it get to me.  Most days I’m fine, but there are those moments when I break down.  Preferably not in front of my kids, but it has happened in front of my youngest.  Particularly this past weekend I was feeling more overwhelmed then usual and was sick on top of it.  My mortgage was coming up and I had to figure out how I was going to pay it all.  My parents who have been wonderful at helping me at raising my sons offered to help me out, but up until now I have refused their help.  I mean my father works 7 days a week, and my stepmother works full time, plus picks up my son after school and gives him dinner all week.  So how could I possibly lean on them more?  So, I cried.  I cried and asked myself what I was going to do.  I cried for me, for my sons and just for everything that I have hanging over my head that I have to take care of.  In those moments I really do feel like I am incapable of making it better.  I let my mind control my thoughts and it takes over me.  Thankfully its only temporary and in the moment and once I snap out of it I’m good.  I’ve learned that I need those moments.  I need to be able to cry and let out my frustrations, just preferably when I’m alone and not with my 5-year-old lol.   But hey, I’m not perfect, just a mom who sometimes get extremely overwhelmed...and that is A okay, as long as I pick myself back up and keep it moving. 👄